Gaining Self Confidence – How To Grow Your Self Esteem

Andrew Roberts Uncategorized 37 Comments

Did you know that …

  • 90% of people start school with high self-confidence, and
  • 90% finish with low self-confidence

We end up spending the first third of our lives creating the self-confidence and self-esteem ISSUES, and the next third fixing them!

You wouldn’t even treat your car this way, so why on earth do we treat ourselves like this?

The Importance Of Addressing Your Self Confidence Issues

Those people who never address this and remedy the damaging effects low self-confidence will go to their grave with terribly low opinions of themselves.

And I’ll let you in on a secret:

A life that is full of quality is not derived from having heaps of money. A quality life stems from being self-confident and having a healthy self-image of yourself.

If that’s the secret to living a quality life, why are there so many miserable people in the western world?

So many of us have degrees, but sadly, we have not been EDUCATED about HOW to build self confidence.

Without the tools, the knowledge or the education, we can’t bring this into our life.  And when we can’t bring this into our life we never end up getting what we deserve from life.

Is It Possible To Learn How To Boost Low Self Confidence?

YES! Even if you have always lacked self-confidence you can start changing the way you feel about yourself right away if you want to

Below, I’ve compiled a broad list of 5 strategies that you can implement to improve your self-confidence, self esteem and self worth … STARTING TODAY.

However, always remember – wisdom is the application of knowledge.  Just reading these will not get the results. It’s in the doing.


STRATEGY 1: Make A Commitment To Gain Self Confidence

Look at the diagram below …

We are all seeking success and happiness.  We are all told about goal setting.  Why then are we not told about building our self-confidence, because it provides the foundation for success as described in the diagram above.

Think of it this way.  If we want to get fit, what do we do?   We start exercising and we eat less.  We make a decision to do something about it.  And we actually start seeing results even after 1 week.  But what happens when we stop?  We go back to the way we were.

Managing your self-confidence is exactly the same.

Maintaining a high level of self-confidence is a DAILY process, so make it your daily ritual.   In the same way that your muscles shrink if you stop exercising or going to the gym, your self-confidence will shrink if you don’t have the DISCIPLINE to work on it.

Remember, if it’s not scheduled you won’t do it. So make a DAILY spot in your calendar. All you need is 15 minutes to work on it.


STRATEGY 2: Integrity is the number one way to boost your self esteem

In its most basic form, integrity is doing what you say you will do.   There are two forms of integrity:

  • Integrity to others.  For example – we make a commitment to meet a friend at a certain time to go for a run.  We have high integrity if we keep this commitment.
  • Integrity to ourselves. For example – we say we are going to get out of bed in the morning and have a run.  We have high integrity if we keep this commitment.

INTEGRITY IS A POWERFUL COMMODITY

The more integrity we have (ie the more often we do what we say we will do) the more others will trust us AND the more we begin to trust ourselves.

The more we trust ourselves, the more confidence and self-esteem we have.

Even though it’s that simple, so many people make promises and don’t keep them.  A close friend of mine is always running late and not getting things back to others when he says he’s going to.

I also have other friends who make promises to themselves, but never keep them.   Sadly, when you break a commitment, you are saying to yourself at a subconscious level, “I am not worthy of being trusted,” and sadly our self confidence dwindles rapidly.

Thankfully, filling the integrity bucket is simple.  All you need to do is STOP saying things you don’t intend on committing to, AND simply doing EVERYTHING that you say you will.

Here are several strategies that might help you:

  • Be careful what you say yes to.   Stop people pleasing and learn to say no.  Say no more than you say yes.  Don’t put pressure on yourself.  Instead of saying to yourself,  “I am definitely getting up in the morning and having a run,” maybe say “I really want to go for a run in the morning, but if I miss it – then that is OK”
  • Downsize your goals.  I meet so many people who constantly set major goals, and make a promise to reach them but don’t.   The reality is usually that the goal is too big.  You are far better off setting a smaller goal that you are likely to achieve.  When you achieve the goal, you feel great. This has a major impact on how you feel and builds more power for you to move on and achieve the next goal, which you can make slightly bigger.  Sooner or later you will be moving mountains because you believe in yourself.
  • Be on time.  This is huge.  There are very few excuses for not being on time. It’s an utter disrespect to be late for someone.

STRATEGY 3: Use a morning ritual to boost your self confidence

As I mentioned, gaining self confidence is a daily ritual and thus should be practiced on a daily basis.  Remember – if you go to the gym daily, you will get results. The same applies to self-confidence.

Often, we will finish a day the way we start it, so we if we start it really well – the rest of the day goes really well.

Here is how I apply my morning ritual …

  • 5am – wake up
  • Straight out of bed (no snooze) to the shower
  • Dress
  • Into my office for a 20 minute meditation.  This really centres me and afterwards, it feels like I’ve had another 2 hours sleep.  I feel very relaxed after this and my mind is quiet
  • I prepare a green juice.   I mix a cucumber, 2 apples, 1 lemon and 4-5 celery sticks into a juicer (then drink it).  This gives me a big rush of health

I then come back into my office and …

  • Read out my desire statement (a statement about how I want my life to look in 12 months from today)
  • Read out Affirmations (positive ‘I am statements’)
  • Write 3 pages of my journal to tap into creativity and see if there are thoughts worth exploring
  • Go over my day and really break my day into chunks (co-ordinate each task and work out how long each task will take)
  • Go and make breakfast
  • Start my day

By 7am in the morning I am feeling really energised. I’m actually really excited about getting into the day.

Compare this to the person who slumps out of bed at 7.45am after hitting snooze 10 times.  Who is going to have more confidence in their day?

Remember, self-esteem and confidence is built one day at a time. Make time to work on it and it will change your life. When I miss a daily ritual, my day is never as good, so I do it EVERY DAY


STRATEGY 4: Give yourself some self-love – It will have a big impact on gaining self confidence

Imagine you have just met the girl or guy of your dreams.   You want to buy them nice things, and smother them with love.  You buy them presents, you give them cuddles, you take them out for nice dinners and you say nice things to them.

How often do you give yourself this kind of attention?  Sadly we are taught that its arrogant to give our self some self love – that this will make us look selfish or egotistical.  Nothing can be further from the truth.

Giving yourself some love is one of the fastest ways to gaining self-confidence

When you find it hard giving yourself some self-love it means your self-confidence is very low.  Here are some other tools to increase self-love into your life-

  • Meditate.  You are going to get sick of me talking about this, but meditation is the greatest act of self love on the planet
  • Enjoy a massage
  • Eat healthy food (such an act of kindness on your body)
  • Exercise
  • Wear nice clothes
  • Using nice things
  • Clean your car/house
  • Get rid of things you no longer need
  • Say nice things to yourself (one of my favorites is simply saying “I like myself” over and over again)
  • Catch yourself doing good things
  • Reward yourself for small wins
  • Redefine your definition of success
  • Buy a nice bed
  • Spend time in nature
  • Slow down
  • Meet your own needs (and don’t call it selfish)
  • Remove negative people/things out of your life
  • Stop trying so hard – stop pushing
  • Be patient
  • Give up on perfectionism
  • Don’t answer the phone if you don’t want to talk
  • Start picking up litter on the street
  • Accept yourself for who you are
  • Quit trying to impress everyone
  • Cut negative talk out of your life.

STRATEGY 5: Boost the self-confidence of OTHERS

(It will have a major impact on YOUR self confidence)

Whatever you want more of in your life, you need to firstly give it to someone else.

  • If you want more money – give some money away
  • If you want more happiness – focus on making others happy
  • If you want more love – show someone else some love

Therefore, if you want to boost your self-confidence, focus on boosting the confidence in others

I have found, that the more I help others believe in themselves, the more others come back to help me believe in myself.

It is really true.  I find people with low confidence find it really challenging giving compliments to others.  They also find it challenging accepting compliments from others.  They find it hard letting someone else know they think they are amazing. Instead, many people will actually end-up bad mouthing that person.

If you can’t say it – write it

Just try it and watch what happens!

Start now.

Maybe write a letter to an old teacher who inspired you.  Or, write a letter to your parents and let them know what they mean to you.  It’s not that hard.  Take note how you feel.  Write it from the heart.  Be emotional.  Be real.  You will give off an extraordinary energy when you do this, and it will come back tenfold for you.

I really hope these strategies will help you improve your self-confidence. I would love to read your thoughts below and also other ideas you have to help people improve their self-confidence and self-esteem.