Choosing To Be Happy – Finding Happiness By Choice

Andrew Roberts Business, Mindset, Philosophy 25 Comments

Happiness can be such an “airy fairy” topic. However, I think it’s important to stop every so often to reflect that happiness is actually the thing that we are all after in life.

Think about it … EVERYTHING we do is designed to move us either

  • AWAY from “un-happiness”, or
  • TOWARDS happiness

Watch the video below which explains everything.

Don’t Sacrifice Happiness For Business Success!

Having worked as a business coach for over 10 years, I find it fascinating that many people (entrepreneurs in this case) will sacrifice happiness in the present moment in order to reach a milestone or a goal in the future, because they rationalise that they can only be happy once the goal is attained.

 

What The Hell Are You Chasing?


This is one of the major reasons why I wrote my book
What The Hell Are You Chasing.

(I actually wrote it for MYSELF because I was one of these chasers – ie sacrificing the now for the future)

I’ve discovered that  happier you are, the more flow you will experience in your life.

Choosing To Be Happy?

While I maintain that happiness is a choice, I also  believe that many people aren’t educated or shown HOW to make happiness a choice.

This is why I wrote this  article and I really hope that it can shed some light on this.

I am going to explore three areas …

    • The law of control
    • Lowering expectations and letting go
    • Taking an ultra high level of responsibility

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1) The Law Of Control

It really is true … our happiness is measured by how much control we have in each area of our lives.

We feel happy to the degree of control we have, and we feel unhappy to the lack of control we have. 

My advice is to scroll down the list of items below and give yourself a rating out of 10 for each area of your life:

  • Health
  • Romance
  • Friends and social
  • Career
  • Finance
  • Spiritual
  • Education
  • Challenge

Here are some things that I have found about this list:

  • If you rate yourself below a 5 out of 10, you may be experiencing a lack of control
  • You might have a rating of zero in some of these (ie relationship because you don’t have one) This doesn’t necessarily mean you feel a lack of control – ie you can still be completely happy and not be in a relationship
  • I personally believe that if anyone has a rating of under 5 for their health, then they are not completely fulfilled and satisfied and happy with their life
  • Being low in one area can really affect all of the others
  • You can be happier not being a in a relationship than in a relationship that isn’t right
  • Your intuition will often tell you when something isn’t right (which will lead to a feeling of loss of control)
  • Many people feel a lack of control in their career. Because this takes up more than 50% of our time, it can have a MAJOR impact on many other areas (ie you hate your work, you don’t like yourself so eat bad food etc etc)
  • What you focus on gets bigger, so when you do lack control in an area, it’s up to you to work out what needs to happen to regain control.  Often this will occur when you slow down. You can then work out what you want and devise a plan to regain control
  • Often we lose control when we fall out of balance.  For example, we might have a lot of work on and thus not have any time for family and health. As result, we lose control in these areas.  The key thing is to make necessary decisions to find the balance.  BALANCE EQUALS MORE CONTROL EQUALS MORE HAPPINESS
  • We will often hurt those around us when we lose control (because we are hurting ourselves).

 

Are You Feeling Unhappy?

So the best thing you can do if you are feeling unhappy, is to ask:

In which area of my life am I currently lacking control, and what  am I going to do to regain control?

2) Lowering Expectations And Letting Go

Let’s compare two people, Max and John.

Max has $3000 to his name. In the list above, he gives himself a rating of 9 out of 10 for finances.

John has $2 million to his name and gives himself 4 out of 10 for finances.

Why is this?

It boils down to expectations

John has more drive and ambition compared to Max when it comes to finances.  Maybe John won’t allow himself to be satisfied until he has $8 million to his name?

Is this a good thing?

I don’t think so, and here’s why …

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with John’s ambition to reach his goal of $8 million.  It certainly doesn’t make him a bad person.

But remember – we take action in order to move towards happiness, so John could be purposefully punishing himself with feelings of unhappiness because he has an EXPECTATION about where he thinks he should be. 

Who Is More Successful?

John has more money, but he’s always stressed. He’s always pushing and he doesn’t enjoy life.

Max doesn’t have much money, but he walks around with a big smile and other people find him really pleasant to be around.

I really believe expectations can have a major play on our level of happiness and can actually cause many wasted years of unnecessary unhappiness for many, many people. 

The Girl Who Can Only Happy Once She Meets The Man Of Her Dreams

girl-dreaming

Kate believes that her life will only ever be happy when she meets the man of her dreams.  Once again, it’s the expectation of being somewhere by a certain age that can create the feeling of unhappiness.  Change these expectations, LET GO of these expectations and you change your life.

The result?  By letting go of expectations, you actually increase your gratitude and happiness in the present moment.  This simply brings more good things into your life.  Remember – gratitude is such a powerful universal law.  The more we are grateful, the more we receive.

3) Taking An Ultra-High Level Of Responsibility

As a coach, I often find this one of the most challenging areas for people to implement.  By the time we are adults, most of us are aware that we need to take responsibility for our lives.

However, I think we need to take this to another level to really be happy.

Here is what I mean:

  • You are responsible for the way your family and friends talk to you. If you don’t like it, you are doing something to create it
  • You are responsible for every person that comes into your life – good and bad.  If you keep coming across bad/annoying/people who frustrate you, then you are responsible
  • You are responsible for the way your boss treats you or if you are the boss, the way your team treats you.  You created it and you can never afford to lay the blame game on anyone else. It’s all you.
  • You are responsible for the exact amount of your financial success right now. You and only you
  • You are responsible for the exact position you are in right now.  Everything around you has been created by you
  • You are responsible for the way your partner treats you.  If you don’t like it, then change you, NOT THEM

You see, when you take a really HIGH level of responsibility for your life, you realise that everything falls back on you.   It’s a very powerful place to come from.

If somebody makes you angry, instead of getting frustrated and angry in turn, you can stop and question why this is happening and what you are doing to create it.

IN ORDER FOR THINGS TO CHANGE, FIRST I MUST 

Many people will always blame everyone else for their situation …

  • the environment
  • their parents
  • their partner etc etc

… for stopping them getting what they want in their life.

 

To obtain an enormous amount of power, control and happiness, we must take an ultra high level of responsibility for our life.

We would love to hear your thoughts below, particularly your rating on the level of control you have in your life and any other strategies you use to stay happy.