Gaining Self Confidence – How To Grow Your Self Esteem

Did you know that …

  • 90% of people start school with high self-confidence, and
  • 90% finish with low self-confidence

We end up spending the first third of our lives creating the self-confidence and self-esteem ISSUES, and the next third fixing them!

You wouldn’t even treat your car this way, so why on earth do we treat ourselves like this?

The Importance Of Addressing Your Self Confidence Issues

Those people who never address this and remedy the damaging effects low self-confidence will go to their grave with terribly low opinions of themselves.

And I’ll let you in on a secret:

A life that is full of quality is not derived from having heaps of money. A quality life stems from being self-confident and having a healthy self-image of yourself.

If that’s the secret to living a quality life, why are there so many miserable people in the western world?

So many of us have degrees, but sadly, we have not been EDUCATED about HOW to build self confidence.

Without the tools, the knowledge or the education, we can’t bring this into our life.  And when we can’t bring this into our life we never end up getting what we deserve from life.

Is It Possible To Learn How To Boost Low Self Confidence?

YES! Even if you have always lacked self-confidence you can start changing the way you feel about yourself right away if you want to

Below, I’ve compiled a broad list of 5 strategies that you can implement to improve your self-confidence, self esteem and self worth … STARTING TODAY.

However, always remember – wisdom is the application of knowledge.  Just reading these will not get the results. It’s in the doing.


STRATEGY 1: Make A Commitment To Gain Self Confidence

Look at the diagram below …

We are all seeking success and happiness.  We are all told about goal setting.  Why then are we not told about building our self-confidence, because it provides the foundation for success as described in the diagram above.

Think of it this way.  If we want to get fit, what do we do?   We start exercising and we eat less.  We make a decision to do something about it.  And we actually start seeing results even after 1 week.  But what happens when we stop?  We go back to the way we were.

Managing your self-confidence is exactly the same.

Maintaining a high level of self-confidence is a DAILY process, so make it your daily ritual.   In the same way that your muscles shrink if you stop exercising or going to the gym, your self-confidence will shrink if you don’t have the DISCIPLINE to work on it.

Remember, if it’s not scheduled you won’t do it. So make a DAILY spot in your calendar. All you need is 15 minutes to work on it.


STRATEGY 2: Integrity is the number one way to boost your self esteem

In its most basic form, integrity is doing what you say you will do.   There are two forms of integrity:

  • Integrity to others.  For example – we make a commitment to meet a friend at a certain time to go for a run.  We have high integrity if we keep this commitment.
  • Integrity to ourselves. For example – we say we are going to get out of bed in the morning and have a run.  We have high integrity if we keep this commitment.

INTEGRITY IS A POWERFUL COMMODITY

The more integrity we have (ie the more often we do what we say we will do) the more others will trust us AND the more we begin to trust ourselves.

The more we trust ourselves, the more confidence and self-esteem we have.

Even though it’s that simple, so many people make promises and don’t keep them.  A close friend of mine is always running late and not getting things back to others when he says he’s going to.

I also have other friends who make promises to themselves, but never keep them.   Sadly, when you break a commitment, you are saying to yourself at a subconscious level, “I am not worthy of being trusted,” and sadly our self confidence dwindles rapidly.

Thankfully, filling the integrity bucket is simple.  All you need to do is STOP saying things you don’t intend on committing to, AND simply doing EVERYTHING that you say you will.

Here are several strategies that might help you:

  • Be careful what you say yes to.   Stop people pleasing and learn to say no.  Say no more than you say yes.  Don’t put pressure on yourself.  Instead of saying to yourself,  “I am definitely getting up in the morning and having a run,” maybe say “I really want to go for a run in the morning, but if I miss it – then that is OK”
  • Downsize your goals.  I meet so many people who constantly set major goals, and make a promise to reach them but don’t.   The reality is usually that the goal is too big.  You are far better off setting a smaller goal that you are likely to achieve.  When you achieve the goal, you feel great. This has a major impact on how you feel and builds more power for you to move on and achieve the next goal, which you can make slightly bigger.  Sooner or later you will be moving mountains because you believe in yourself.
  • Be on time.  This is huge.  There are very few excuses for not being on time. It’s an utter disrespect to be late for someone.

STRATEGY 3: Use a morning ritual to boost your self confidence

As I mentioned, gaining self confidence is a daily ritual and thus should be practiced on a daily basis.  Remember – if you go to the gym daily, you will get results. The same applies to self-confidence.

Often, we will finish a day the way we start it, so we if we start it really well – the rest of the day goes really well.

Here is how I apply my morning ritual …

  • 5am – wake up
  • Straight out of bed (no snooze) to the shower
  • Dress
  • Into my office for a 20 minute meditation.  This really centres me and afterwards, it feels like I’ve had another 2 hours sleep.  I feel very relaxed after this and my mind is quiet
  • I prepare a green juice.   I mix a cucumber, 2 apples, 1 lemon and 4-5 celery sticks into a juicer (then drink it).  This gives me a big rush of health

I then come back into my office and …

  • Read out my desire statement (a statement about how I want my life to look in 12 months from today)
  • Read out Affirmations (positive ‘I am statements’)
  • Write 3 pages of my journal to tap into creativity and see if there are thoughts worth exploring
  • Go over my day and really break my day into chunks (co-ordinate each task and work out how long each task will take)
  • Go and make breakfast
  • Start my day

By 7am in the morning I am feeling really energised. I’m actually really excited about getting into the day.

Compare this to the person who slumps out of bed at 7.45am after hitting snooze 10 times.  Who is going to have more confidence in their day?

Remember, self-esteem and confidence is built one day at a time. Make time to work on it and it will change your life. When I miss a daily ritual, my day is never as good, so I do it EVERY DAY


STRATEGY 4: Give yourself some self-love – It will have a big impact on gaining self confidence

Imagine you have just met the girl or guy of your dreams.   You want to buy them nice things, and smother them with love.  You buy them presents, you give them cuddles, you take them out for nice dinners and you say nice things to them.

How often do you give yourself this kind of attention?  Sadly we are taught that its arrogant to give our self some self love – that this will make us look selfish or egotistical.  Nothing can be further from the truth.

Giving yourself some love is one of the fastest ways to gaining self-confidence

When you find it hard giving yourself some self-love it means your self-confidence is very low.  Here are some other tools to increase self-love into your life-

  • Meditate.  You are going to get sick of me talking about this, but meditation is the greatest act of self love on the planet
  • Enjoy a massage
  • Eat healthy food (such an act of kindness on your body)
  • Exercise
  • Wear nice clothes
  • Using nice things
  • Clean your car/house
  • Get rid of things you no longer need
  • Say nice things to yourself (one of my favorites is simply saying “I like myself” over and over again)
  • Catch yourself doing good things
  • Reward yourself for small wins
  • Redefine your definition of success
  • Buy a nice bed
  • Spend time in nature
  • Slow down
  • Meet your own needs (and don’t call it selfish)
  • Remove negative people/things out of your life
  • Stop trying so hard – stop pushing
  • Be patient
  • Give up on perfectionism
  • Don’t answer the phone if you don’t want to talk
  • Start picking up litter on the street
  • Accept yourself for who you are
  • Quit trying to impress everyone
  • Cut negative talk out of your life.

STRATEGY 5: Boost the self-confidence of OTHERS

(It will have a major impact on YOUR self confidence)

Whatever you want more of in your life, you need to firstly give it to someone else.

  • If you want more money – give some money away
  • If you want more happiness – focus on making others happy
  • If you want more love – show someone else some love

Therefore, if you want to boost your self-confidence, focus on boosting the confidence in others

I have found, that the more I help others believe in themselves, the more others come back to help me believe in myself.

It is really true.  I find people with low confidence find it really challenging giving compliments to others.  They also find it challenging accepting compliments from others.  They find it hard letting someone else know they think they are amazing. Instead, many people will actually end-up bad mouthing that person.

If you can’t say it – write it

Just try it and watch what happens!

Start now.

Maybe write a letter to an old teacher who inspired you.  Or, write a letter to your parents and let them know what they mean to you.  It’s not that hard.  Take note how you feel.  Write it from the heart.  Be emotional.  Be real.  You will give off an extraordinary energy when you do this, and it will come back tenfold for you.

I really hope these strategies will help you improve your self-confidence. I would love to read your thoughts below and also other ideas you have to help people improve their self-confidence and self-esteem.

About Andrew Roberts

Andrew is well known as one of Australia’s leading business mentors, is a Strategic Business specialist, and has been known to work his own magic with a host of companies featured in various Top 100 BRW lists. Andrew has gone from running one of the largest business coaching companies in Australia to focusing on specialists and leaders of various industries.

  • David

    Hi Andy, self-confidence is most likely a myth! – if you want to do something, do it…..or don’t!

    it certainly doesn’t need to be worked on,
    especially if it’s already there, hiding beneath the de-railing effects of the school system etc….(that was the only sense I heard you talk – but, true! – i didn’t really give you a fair chance)

    a person simply needs to ignore those effects…hey presto! (self) confidence returns!
    the “self” bit is actually irrelevant btw

    I could only listen to the first 15 seconds of your video, but I’m sure that many will believe this stuff…so you will do ok….

    music was unnecessary, distracting…and…not really even MUSIC!

    I hope you earn enough to retire in the sun soon and stop bothering the rest of the world with this nonsense!

    i hope you also find some peace too,

    David

    • Hi David, Thanks for your feedback. It was really useful until I read the last paragraph. Your right to an opinion, and easier for you to not read our stuff if you feel its bothering the world. We get a lot of people emailing us and asking us about this topic – hence the blog. It might not be useful for you, but it might for some. Also – it makes more sense emailing us in private with your views than making them public like this. I wish you all the best.

      • Promita

        Hi Andrew!

        Absolutely loved ur blog…Makes so much sense. We face so many troubles because we neglect our needs and cannot accept ourselves. Thanks again:)

      • I’m glad you have your blog. It helps reconfirm things in my emotional mind set that need to remind me of these things. Thanks!

  • Philomena Maguire Hähnel

    Hi andrew that was a great blog. I love the combination of video and the notes. thank you for the tips I will be putting them to good use. take care Philomena (Ireland)

  • This is a great video Andrew, I couldn’t disagree more with the comments by David above.

    I really love the morning ritual and doing small things for yourself, sometimes I know my internal dialogue can be very negative and it has a massive draining effect on me.

    I also noticed the effort you took with professionally creating these videos, this is the quality that people would usually sell but you’re giving it away free – much appreciated.

    Keep up the good work mate!

    • thanks for this Johan

  • Sharon Parsons

    Great blog Andrew, I love listening to your uploads and inspiration – I read a quote from Richard Branson this morning “Complexity is your enemy. Any fool can make something complicated. It is hard to make something simple” Confidence is a tricky subject to tackle because of the many layers…and you did it exceptionally well. Keep being amazing. Thank you. Sharon Parsons

    • thanks Sharon and I hope you are well.

  • Srirama India

    Great – Learning is daughter of repetition. Self-esteem is what we have to cultivate and protect like plants in a field. We have to consciously protect & cultivate our self-confidence. In a competitive world many times our self-confidence takes hard hits.

  • Joanne

    thanks Andrew, this only goes to show me how deeply rooted the past programs are from those formative years. I used to do a lot of what you say in this video, the morning ritual and I did it at night as well…..then divorce happened and moving 5 times in two yrs happened and it all got forgotten until now, although I have to say i was manifesting pretty good the last year. LOL What I think is important for everyone to know, is that there is a deep need for humans to continuously listen to this information until it is programmed and even then certain life situations can cause it to need reprogramming again. Some people will hesitate thinking your another Guru…well, what ever work I say and yeah, I’ve read all the other authors and I think they were great and a great help to me and I will continue to listen to anyone that has something deep and intelligent to help us on our path. Keep up the good work I REALLY appreciate it.

    Sincerly,

    Joanne Hope the book gets here soon….LOL

  • Stephen Hall

    Great video and absolutely loved the bloopers at the end 10/10 ! Content-wise I like what you said about backing off on goals a bit to take pressure off. Less commitments – thanks for taking the time to make and upload the vid

  • Cheryl

    Love it, thanks Andrew. Will be putting some of your strategies into practice 🙂

  • Mitchell K

    I like the mirror exercise. By looking myself in the eyes and saying out loud what it is I like about myself, whether my hair, my sense of humour, my kindness or what I did for someone that made them feel better.
    I also wanted to say thanks, it’s always important to hear the message from a variety of places to aid in the continued practice of making serious life changes. Keep up the great work and I will be joining you on this journey in the near future. Sincerely, Dr Mitchell

  • Hi Andrew, great blog full of your trademark enthusiasm.
    I too disagree with David. After almost 12 years running my business as a Leadership consultant and coach working with hundreds and hundreds of managers and senior leaders, I would say confidence is the missing ingredient for many, even when they’re ‘successful’ in society’s eyes. The missing confidence or self-doubt might stop them from having a crucial conversation with a staff member, dealing with an important issue successfully, or from being able to connect fully with their emotions and important others. ‘Avoidance’ which is a by-product of low confidence is everywhere in our workplaces and society.
    The world needs more people like you – someone who is prepared to openly discuss this topic that most people shirk away from. Mention the terms “confidence” or “personal development” and a lot of people get defensive (feel the need to attack) or go running. I do wonder why this is so?

    • Hi Sandra, Thank you so much for your reply and also words of encouragement. I really appreciate this. I am not sure why people feel the need to attack. Its interesting.

  • Louise O’Neil

    Hi Andrew,

    my morning ritual is:

    1. open my eyes and watch the silhouettes outside my window become trees as the light grows : ) best bit of day..
    2. drink lemon juice water
    3. walk 30-60 mins
    4. make vege super juice
    5. then I’m on mum duty…

    I’ve always searched for meaning and balance, and have probably sourced same self help teachers you seem to have – Louise Hay, Deepak, Eckhart ?

    Thanks for the share!

    Louise : )

    • Hi louise. I great morning Ritual. Thanks for sharing.

  • Hardik Shah

    This will really help me a lot in my life. Thanks Andrew for doing such a wonderful work.

  • Jon

    A good way to build self confidence is to stop talking about it and go do something daring, hard or against the tide of ‘normal and conformist’. Run a marathon, take up boxing and actually box someone, become a buddisht, that sort of thing. When you are out of your comfort zone and you succeed confidence grows.

    • Hi Jon. thanks for sharing this. TOTALL agree with you. Just doing something that takes you outside your comfort zone works.

  • Fathieh Wilkins

    I never thought about how much society and school tries to manipulate us into being something else …

    • Being what they want us to be
    • Eating what they want us to eat
    • Studying what they want us to.

    No wonder we lose our sense of self.

    I am in shock! I am 24 years old, I used to be confident when I was in school till I don’t know what happened and it’s all gone – especially since I am doing a job I no longer enjoy, and I tried to apply for many other positions without luck.

    It makes you feel very self conscious as if it’s your own fault. I appreciate your blog – come on people, let’s not let the system bring us down.

    • Thanks for sharing Fathieh.

  • Michael

    Hello Andrew,

    I was about to say what Louise O’Neill said above! I’ve read/learned all this from Louise Hay and Eckhart Tolle for years (now over 8 years!) and never did it consistently even though I know its good for me (yes, I know that’s lack of integrity to myself and lack of self-love!)

    Good reminder to me and its great that you are letting us benefit from your personal experience in learning and doing all this. That’s great karma for you and I hope you are rewarded well for all that good karma!

    • Thanks Michael, I appreciate your comment

  • Tsering

    Hi Mr Andy, First of all thank you so much for your kind advice that we can use it in our daily life. I just open an Adult Foster Home called SUNCREST SENIOR CARE HOME jn Talent Oregon. My self being a H H Personal private security for so long, after attending so many teaching while i was travel with him , my compassion towards other went too far that i ended up not only adopt senior who needs highest level of care and a hospice care in my home that who needed 24 hour 7 days a week especially . Later i hire caregiver 2 days a week, so i can catch up with my sleep. But my 55 years old woman that i hire as a caregiver for couple days a week ask me that if she can stay in our house until she i gets her own place.So i ask why. She answer me that she not only broke her car but also she does not want to move back with her parent.I accepted her like my own sister. few days later she told me that she quit the job with couple minute notice. So i asked her again before she left the our home. 55 years woman said to me that Tsering, you used to be my co-worker and now you are ahead of me and also you are much younger than me. I told her that i hope and pray that you will be free from color,age and gender and i went inside the bathroom and i cry a bit. My good karma sent me a lovely lady for shift work . Without H H The Dalia Lama’s teaching,i wouldn’t done my nursing school!!! You inspire me and many other as well. Thanks again for remainder and kindness that you share and powerful wisdom to other being.

  • Conrad

    I liked the blog. Thanks for information. Loved the piece on integrity.

  • Thank you Andy. I like your approach.

  • Kumar Venkat

    Hi Andrew,
    Thx for inspiring me. i tried buying a electronic version of WTHAUC but could not succeed as your payment gateway would do nothing but say ‘verifying’. is there any other way i can get hold of this book? do u sell it across stores in india? thx

    • Thank You Kumar. You can try the Kindle version. Otherwise, I’ll send an email with an alternate purchase link

      • Kumar Venkat

        Thanks for ur prompt response. wud b great if u cud send me diff purchase link. lkg fwd to downloading ur bk. cheers. kumar

  • Angelika

    Hi Andrew,
    everything you say makes sense. Its right all those things boost self-confidence, even if they are really just about getting up and doing something (doesnt even matter too much what). Who shouldnt gain more confidence by experiencing to be actually able to do something when he/she is doing something? As soon as its understood its so easy, isnt it?
    For me again just one question remains. Everything you say is easy when you are not responsible for someone else or have someone who takes care of those for you. So this is easy for men, and its easy for me as long as I dont have kids. But I have seen often enough that there is nothing left for stuff like this when you have kids, and that its still the women who eventually take care for them. The men go to work as usual. So do you have kids and are you the one to prepare them for the day? Or is there someone who keeps your back with this? Im not trying to say something bad about you or men in general, Im actually just desperately trying to find out how I can enhance myself and also having a family because still its the women who do this work the most. We could also be talking about somebody else who has a 14 hour working day instead. How can somebody work on self-esteem or getting on the right way or anything else when this person has no time to do it? I just have no answer to this at all.

    • Hi there,

      I know what you are saying, and I often coach mothers with children. Often this is an easy excuse to use. I often ask, “since you have had children, have you stopped cleaning your teeth? Have you stopped eating meals?”
      They aleays respond, “no.”
      We can always make time for things that are important, and I often think the greatest gift you can give your children is a healthy liking of yourself. Because we can give more love to others when you love yourself. I know its challenging, but we can make time for what is important.

  • Self Confidence … First you need love yourself, then you get self confidence. People live without self confidence because they don’t love themselves …

  • lisa blair

    Hi Andrew,
    Arrrgggh. You’re eroding my self-confidence!
    I understand the need for a positive approach but some of us (I CAN’T be the only one!) just don’t do mornings – we function better later in the day, or after a couple of hours of slowly easing into the morning. I can actually feel it when my brain starts to engage (some times those gear shifts are rougher than others) – and it doesn’t happen quickly. Just thought I’d mention that we night owls can benefit from this too, but commitment to your morning rituals would set me up for failure from before I opened my eyes – so I find other strategies.
    Keep up the inspiring work – people will hear it when it’s the right time for them and sometimes we need to hear it lots of times before we hear it for the “first” time.
    Lisa

  • Jesse

    Hey Andrew,

    Icompletely agree with almost everything you said. The only thing I differ on is telling yourself “Maybe I’ll do…” I believe from personal experience that the more specific we are in our goals and aspirations the more specific the result will be! That being said I completely agree that some of us are too hard on ourselves when in reality we just need to tone down our goals a smidge 🙂 at least for the short term. I also LOVE the mirror idea and the morning ritual I suffered for a long time with low self esteem and zero confidence and instead of tackling it and solving the problem head on I chose to hide it and try to fake confidence and esteem and it only created a host of more problems for myself I think the way we treat and talk about ourself is the way others will also view and talk about us (to an extent at least). I believe that Men and Women move in the direction of their most dominant thought. Great job on the post and keep it coming!!!

    • Totally agree with you Jesse and thanks for this tip. Have a wonderful Christmas.

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